Denny Strecker’s Blog

Whenever I interview parents who are interested in becoming clients or students of mine, I always ask them some background questions to learn what they are looking for, what is missing, and where they have come from. It always surprises me that parents fail to make the connection that kids model behavior. If your child is showing an unwanted behavior, it is either because:

1) the parents allow the behavior or
2) the parents demonstrate the behavior

Once you understand the simplicity of this process, it begins to make sense when I give the parents homework. If you want me to help you with your child, I have to help YOU first. YOU are the source of the challenge! If you don’t fix the source of the issue, it will continue to be an issue and you will have to work ten times are hard to help your child. It’s like taking aspirin for a heart attack - it can help, but by no means is it the cure.

This takes us to today’s homework. There are eight transformation truths that Brendon Burchard writes about in his book “Life’s Golden Ticket”. Read them, think about them, and make sure you are using them. Then, you can repeat the process with your child.

Transformation Truth #1:
Either you are truly moving forward or you aren’t

We were all born to move forward: to crawl, to walk, to run, to grow, to push ourselves diligently toward our destinies and dreams. Unfortunately, many of us have let our fears and the need for safety weigh us down. We’ve stopped taking the leaps and bounds and chances needed to get us closer to the life we desire. Tragically, too many of us have settled into jobs that lead nowhere, relationships that sink our spirits, and habits that hold us back. To prevent that or become more focused, ask yourself these simple questions on a regular basis: Have I been charging ahead in life, standing still, or falling behind? Am I truly moving forward toward my dreams, or am I simply conning myself into believing that I’m just “waiting for the right time to make my move”? What do I need to do today to boldly start moving forward?

Transformation Truth #2:
Either you’re doing work you truly enjoy or you aren’t.

Most of us know that our life’s purpose is more than just a paycheck, and that a life of meaning is not limited to a life of means. Yet many of us suffer the self-imposed misery of doing unfulfilling work simply to make ends meet. Is what you are doing something that you whole-heartedly enjoy? Do you get happily lost in your work on a regular basis and feel like you’re truly growing, contributing, and making a difference? If you cannot answer with a resounding “Yes!” to these questions, then you already know it’s time for a change. It’s time to face that and take action.

To be continued tomorrow…

Many of the difficulties people find themselves in are the result of neglect.

You neglect to take proper care of your car or your home.

You neglect to balance your checkbook.

You neglect to give your family and friends the time and the attention they deserve.

You neglect these things, that is, until a crisis occurs. Then, running around like a crazy person, you make an often-too-late attempt to repair the damage.

Most of these self-induced crises can be avoided by spending time solving problems BEFORE they occur!

Finances in a mess? Spend fifteen minutes a day ( each day!) working on them.

Relationships in the tank? Devote a full hour each day to repairing them (at first), and then continue investing that time in maintaining and enhancing them!

US President Theodore Roosevelt has been described as founder of the Bull Moose Party, the man who led his troops up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War, a big game hunter, family man, civic servant and a host of other things.

His life story indicates that he was not only an extraordinarily successful man, but surely one of the busiest and best organized ever. However, with all of his “busy-ness” . . . he still retained some of those human qualities that made him so successful.

Simple example: He never forgot to thank others who did things for him. On his whistle-stop tours during his campaign trips, he always left his private car to thank the engineer and fireman for a safe and comfortable trip. True, it took only a few minutes of his time, but when your minutes are so few, they are quite important. He felt that those minutes were well invested and he enjoyed meeting the people who had served him so well. In the process he made friends for life. Doing simple little things endeared Roosevelt to people all across America, which certainly was a significant reward for the few minutes it took him to say thank you.

Someone once said that you could always tell a “big” man by the way he treated a “little” man. By that yardstick alone you would have to agree that Theodore Roosevelt was a “big” man.

Message: Take time to be kind and to say “thank you.” The returns can be so great that you will be amazed!

This lesson starts with you - the adult. Model this behavior and your child will be certain to pick up the good habit you have created.

It has long been known that the powerful emotions a parent has for their child can easily overcome any struggle or complication you can throw at it. During my research, I came across this father and son team who prove this theory ten times over and serve as an example to everyone single one of us. The article originally appeared in Sports Illustrated and the video is one of dozens about them on YouTube.

Their motto is “Yes, I Can” and once you read their story and watch the video I attached you will understand what Committment and Love truly are - and hopefully you will take their message and teach it to your children and loved ones.

Click Here to read their story and watch the video

Post your thoughts here after you watch the video and let me know what YOU are going to do as a parent to create the “Yes I Can” thinking in your family.

The other day I saw a father talking to his daughter after she finished her karate class. It was easy to see that he loved his daughter and wanted her to do well… but his desire to see her do well was the very thing that made her feel like a failure - like she couldn’t do anything right. The girl looked like she wanted to run off and cry.

Children, more than anything else, want to be loved and appreciated - especially by busy parents. The amount of approval a child gets from her parents is often the measuring stick by which the child gauge how much they are loved. That’s why children often check to see if Mom and Dad are watching…

As grown-ups, we know how important it is for our children to pay attention while they’re in class… to not miss any piece of information that could be critical to their success. As loving parents, we want our children to do well.

And that’s where the mistake is often made - kids, looking up to see if mom and dad are watching, are sometimes met with a scowl and a quick gesture to turn around and pay attention to the instructor, when all they were looking for was a smile and a thumbs up.

Of course, parents would be horrified to learn that they were unintentionally hurting their child — out of concern and love! None of our “Karate Parents” want to see their children’s self esteem dashed.

You see, people (and children especially!) learn much more efficiently and stay more focused when they are praised for doing something right, rather than criticized for doing something wrong. Children will have the confidence to move out of their comfort zone when they know that they are encouraged and free from criticism.

Parents who want to support their children in class will have the most success when giving their child a quick thumbs up and encouraging their child - loving them with their smile!

Making corrections is our second most important job - please leave it up to us!

You see, developing life skills in children is our number one priority and when working with kids, it’s important to “put first things first” - striving for long term benefits, like Black Belt Excellence, a strong self image, respect, courage, modesty, perseverance, and integrity.

Making corrections in the physical side of the Martial Arts (stances, techniques, etc.) is our second most important job. Especially in the beginning!

We were very excited to learn that this “first things first” system also brings about a very positive side effect.

Just think how excited we were when we realized that when we put positive character development first, excellent physical Martial Arts skills followed! When our teachers “put first things first,” the physical skills of the Martial Arts eventually develop to exciting levels!

Just take a look at the Brown and Black Belts. You will see what I mean.

P.S. If you have a concern about your child’s progress, mistakes, attention span, or behavior while in class (or out of class, for that matter) I encourage you to contact me today!

Please consider carefully the following strategies:

3 Tips for Developing Self-Discipline in Your Children

1. Always, always, do what you say you are going to do. Remember that your children learn from EVERY encounter with you…even if it’s not what you want them to learn! If you tell a child that a certain behavior will cause them to be punished, you MUST follow through with the punishment. Each time you don’t follow through, you teach your child, “Mom and Dad don’t mean what they say.”

If a child, for example, is being disruptive, and you say, “Michael, please stop that,” and then allow Michael to continue, you have effectively taught Michael to disobey! Additionally, children need the security that comes from knowing Mom and Dad are truly in charge. Any inconsistency in your approach robs them of that security

2. Show your children the effects of self-discipline, and the effects of LACK of self-discipline. Be on the lookout for people who are becoming successful as a result of their self-discipline. Families, athletes, famous people, even fictional characters can be great examples. In the same way, show your children the results of the lack of self-discipline. Discuss people who are in trouble, or people who don’t get the results they want, and show your children how the breakdown in their self-discipline led them to trouble!

3. Paint an exciting future for your children. Inspire them to dream big dreams, to think boldly about their future. Show them the opportunities that become available to people who have great discipline!

Follow these tips, and your child will develop the important quality of Self-Discipline!