Denny Strecker’s Blog

My wife, Andrea and I went out last night to enjoy a nice dinner out. As generally happens, I start to watch parents and how they interact with their children. This evening was no exception. Unfortunately it rarely takes me long to find a parent who may have the best of intentions - but they don’t see the harm they are causing their child and tonight was no exception.

At dinner, we sat next to a mother and her young son who was probably 5 years old. She had a Bluetooth headset in one ear, while talking on a cell phone on the other ear, and she was texting while holding these other conversations. All the while, her son was left to entertain himself and what do you think happened?

 Mom did not care for the way he was entertaining himself so she would stop her conversations to scold him and tell him to “Stop that!” or “Knock it off!” There was very little - if any - other conversation between them that I saw.

 Now granted, I don’t know what they did before or after dinner. They may have had a fantastic conversation in the car or during the day…I wouldn’t bet on that as people tend to act in a similar fashion on a regular basis.

So what message was the mother sending her child? Everything else is more important than you! Spending time answering your cell phone or texting a message when you are with someone is poor etiquette in general - and even worse when you are with your children. Now I understand you may be a high power executive that is making decisions that will effect the entire company and you MUST be in contact 24 hours a day - and if you are one of those people, CONGRATULATIONS! Now you should have the authority to delegate work to others and let them know that you will be unavailable as you will be spending time with your family.

More often than not though, I hear general and non-relevant conversation going on about where they are, what they are doing, and what is going on later. Just because you are there with someone doesn’t mean you are spending time with them. I am certain the wives reading this know what I mean.

 It constantly surprises me that my clients are surprised when I don’t pick up the phone if we are in the middle of an important conversation. We will be in my office and a parent will be telling me about a challenge they are having with their child and the phone begins to ring.

The parent will almost always say, “Do you need to get that?”
To which I always reply, “No. Go on with what you were saying.”
After a couple of seconds of disbelief, they continue where they left off.

Here is the great thing about cell phones: they have a SILENT button. Even more important they all come with voicemail!

Here is the great thing about your regular phones: they have ANSWERING MACHINES.

Here is the great thing about your time: YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO ANSWER YOUR PHONE EVERY TIME IT RINGS!!

If you find it important enough that you are calling me, then it should be important enough that you leave me a message so I will call you back. If you don’t leave a message then your call could not have been that important. I don’t except the excuse:

“I don’t like to talk to machines so I will call back.”

To which I reply, “OK, and I will probably still be busy.”

Try it! Give yourself permission to not answer your phone. Give 100% of your attention to the person you are with - especially if it is your child - and watch how your relationships improve in the next couple of weeks.

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