Reinforce the Positive
Denny 09 Jul 2008 | : Parenting Tips
As you already know, discipline is an important part of our classes here at “Denny Strecker’s Karate.” We believe that it is critically important for our students to learn discipline in the classroom - so that they will have discipline in all areas of their lives. As we teach this important life skill, our students develop two types of discipline: External and Internal.
External discipline is the kind that is imposed on one person by another. Once I was at a ball game when I saw external discipline at its extreme - a mother was yelling at her son for spilling his soda… her veins were popping out of her neck, and the mean expression on her face was only intensified when she turned bright red.
This mom brought back memories of a teacher I once had, who was very strict, and always lost her temper. She was quick to yell and to take away fun things like recess, giving us instead lengthy assignments.
External discipline has one advantage - it gets immediate results. The recipients will quickly fall into line out of fear of punishment. However, the down side is that external discipline is often short term. Some psychologists even feel that external discipline will leave long-term scars!
Here at “Denny Strecker’s Karate,” we believe that all people, especially kids… deep down inside… want to do the right thing. It’s just that children sometimes get distracted, or become caught up in the moment, and forget to do what is right.
On the other hand, Self-Disciplined people, or people who have Internal discipline, always do the right thing - without someone else telling them what to do. A person with internal discipline can work by themselves without being supervised. This is a sign of positive character development.
So, how is self-discipline developed? We have figured out a way that, over time, works wonders!
The answer is so obvious… that it’s hard to see!
Picture a small group of kids sitting and listening to the karate teacher. One little boy begins to bother the kid next to him, poking him in the arm.
An external disciplinarian (like my old teacher) would quickly point at the child and say, in a sharp tone, “Stop that!”
There are two problems with this response. First, it focuses the attention of the entire group on a behavior that we don’t want. But even worse - it dashes the self-esteem of the misbehaving child - and in many cases, bad self-esteem is the cause of the misbehavior! Here, the teacher did get immediate results - but did nothing to impact the long-term behavior of the student.
Let’s look at another scenario. This time, instead of drawing attention to the misbehaving student, the teacher looks for a child who demonstrates good self- disciplined behavior and publicly praises the child, saying things like “You are a super listener!” The other students quickly “straighten up,” and the teacher compliments them as well, being sure to include the student who was misbehaving.
By drawing attention to the attentive child - and making an example of good behavior, the teacher improves that student’s self esteem - instead of taking the misbehaving student’s self esteem down a notch.
It works just as quickly, and is more effective than the external methods!
The only challenge is that it requires the teacher to be more patient, creative, and attentive.
And best of all, when done consistently, the misbehaving children are taught what to do (instead of what not to do). Their self esteem is improved, rather than dashed… and, over time, they become self disciplined - and that lasts a lifetime!
A self-disciplined person not only knows what to do… but does it.