Denny Strecker’s Blog

As you already know, discipline is an important part of our classes here at “Denny Strecker’s Karate.” We believe that it is critically important for our students to learn discipline in the classroom - so that they will have discipline in all areas of their lives. As we teach this important life skill, our students develop two types of discipline: External and Internal.

External discipline is the kind that is imposed on one person by another. Once I was at a ball game when I saw external discipline at its extreme - a mother was yelling at her son for spilling his soda… her veins were popping out of her neck, and the mean expression on her face was only intensified when she turned bright red.

This mom brought back memories of a teacher I once had, who was very strict, and always lost her temper. She was quick to yell and to take away fun things like recess, giving us instead lengthy assignments.

External discipline has one advantage - it gets immediate results. The recipients will quickly fall into line out of fear of punishment. However, the down side is that external discipline is often short term. Some psychologists even feel that external discipline will leave long-term scars!

Here at “Denny Strecker’s Karate,” we believe that all people, especially kids… deep down inside… want to do the right thing. It’s just that children sometimes get distracted, or become caught up in the moment, and forget to do what is right.

On the other hand, Self-Disciplined people, or people who have Internal discipline, always do the right thing - without someone else telling them what to do. A person with internal discipline can work by themselves without being supervised. This is a sign of positive character development.

So, how is self-discipline developed? We have figured out a way that, over time, works wonders!

The answer is so obvious… that it’s hard to see!

Picture a small group of kids sitting and listening to the karate teacher. One little boy begins to bother the kid next to him, poking him in the arm.

An external disciplinarian (like my old teacher) would quickly point at the child and say, in a sharp tone, “Stop that!”

There are two problems with this response. First, it focuses the attention of the entire group on a behavior that we don’t want. But even worse - it dashes the self-esteem of the misbehaving child - and in many cases, bad self-esteem is the cause of the misbehavior! Here, the teacher did get immediate results - but did nothing to impact the long-term behavior of the student.

Let’s look at another scenario. This time, instead of drawing attention to the misbehaving student, the teacher looks for a child who demonstrates good self- disciplined behavior and publicly praises the child, saying things like “You are a super listener!” The other students quickly “straighten up,” and the teacher compliments them as well, being sure to include the student who was misbehaving.

By drawing attention to the attentive child - and making an example of good behavior, the teacher improves that student’s self esteem - instead of taking the misbehaving student’s self esteem down a notch.

It works just as quickly, and is more effective than the external methods!
The only challenge is that it requires the teacher to be more patient, creative, and attentive.

And best of all, when done consistently, the misbehaving children are taught what to do (instead of what not to do). Their self esteem is improved, rather than dashed… and, over time, they become self disciplined - and that lasts a lifetime!

A self-disciplined person not only knows what to do… but does it.

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Play along with me for a moment…

What would your reaction be if you just won $25,000 on a game show?

You’d probably say you felt thrilled, elated, or excited.

You would, huh? What if I told you more about the circumstances involved…

You were doing great and had progressed to the last round. You had already won $500,000, but you chose to risk that amount to go for the million dollar question. Unfortunately, you got it wrong and ended up with “only” $25,000.

Now how would you feel? Disappointed, mad at yourself, and just plain awful, right?

So why do you feel so bad if you are walking away with $25,000 more than you had before?

You feel awful because of how you interpret that event. If you focus on what might have been, you will feel very unhappy. But with conscious effort, you can choose to focus on the $25,000 you won rather than the $475,000 you lost.

Here is a great truth of life – what determines our happiness is not so much what happens to us as how we feel about it. Our reaction determines whether we interpret events as positive or negative.

People tend to naturally see the negative side of things because they are easier to find. I was speaking with a parent who was quite upset because she had just learned that she was loosing her job and she is the bread winner for the family.

When she told me the news I immediately responded, “Congratulations! That is great news!!”

She looked at me with a look of utter confusion and said, “Did you hear what I said? I am going to loose my job. This is terrible news.”

I replied, “You have hated your job for years and you said there was no chance of advancement any more so this is great news. Now you can look for something you will enjoy doing and that you will be able to advance in. Who knows? You might even find something that pays more than what you are earning now.”

You choose how to “feel” about events that happen to you. When something happens in your life, look at it from all sides and see where the positives are and focus on them.

A good way to see if you are a positive or a negative person is to look at your children. How do they deal with negative situations? They have learned how to cope from you, so if they are always negative, there is a good chance they learned that from you.

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This is a dangerous time!

With summer in full swing, children have the tendency to get lazy. They want to sleep at all hours, lay on the couch, watch mind numbing TV, and declare, "I’m bored."

If you allow this behavior to develop, you are sending the wrong message to your child. When was the last time you were able to take 2 months off of work, do nothing, and then just go back in the fall? The real world does not operate that way. It is our job as parents to prepare our children for real life.

I have a tool for you to use to help keep your child a goal for the summer - and even all year long! It is a chore allowance system that you can use. The key is to have fun with it. Make up some easy rewards your child will be able to purchase. But, also create some wild and crazy ones.

Go ahead and put that family trip to the Bahamas on there. It may cost $1,000,000 in allowance checks but SO WHAT!!!!

Click Here to Download your Allowance Chore Checks Program.

If you have any questions about how to use this program, please feel free to ask it in the comments section of this post and I will be happy to help you get started.

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Once again, a series of tragic events grabs the attention of parents everywhere.

Questions, such as, “What do we do to prevent this from happening again?” and “How do we protect our children?”, are on everybody’s minds.

Community leaders will be debating whether or not anything can be done.

I don’t know what the answer is to this national problem. However, on a very local level –within each of our homes, there is a lot we can do.

Move closer to your kids. If you are already close, move even closer. Developing and maintaining the rapport, communication, and honesty that prevents these tragedies takes a lot of work.

There is an age where children, particularly teens, try to pull away – and become a little harder to hold close than it was when they were young children. However, this is when your children need you the most!

There comes an age when it’s not “cool” to have Mom and Dad around. “Give us our independence!” the kids cry. They become very persuasive…but don’t give in.

It is a scary world out there for kids. And I believe that most kids, deep down, know that they really do need the close relationship they had with their parents. They need advice, correction, rules, and guidance to negotiate the very uncertain waters of their teen years.

Kids, all the way through high school, and well into young adulthood, can benefit from close relationships with parents.

So what is the key? Simple. Time. At exactly the same moment that both you and your kids are swamped with other activities; at the same moment when they tend to pull away…that’s when they need your time the most!

There is no substitute for time spent with you! In a short time, your kids will be out of the house, and on their own. I encourage you to make the best use of the remaining years.

Your children may resist. After all, they have to appear to be “cool.” But don’t give in. Pull them close. They will thank you for it. Someday!

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Today’s article talks about being “present minded”. Too many times people worry about what might happen or dwell on what did happen and end up missing what IS happening. Read the story below and make sure you start focusing on the present, and more importantly, teach your children to focus on the now.

By Denis Waitley

What each of us is doing this minute is the most important event in history for us. We have decided to invest our resources in THIS opportunity rather than in any other.

It is helpful to remember this when we consider the passage of time. As I write this, my mother is in her eighties and I will never see fifty again. As the years pass, I am acutely aware that the bird of time is on the wing. At my fortieth high school reunion, I saw people who claimed to be my former classmates. We all had big name tags printed in capital letters so we wouldn’t have to squint with our reading glasses on trying to associate the name with each well-traveled face. It was only yesterday that I was really enjoying high school. What had happened to the four decades in between? Where had they flown?

To the side of the bandstand, where the big-band sound of the late 1940s and 50s blared our favorite top-ten hits, there was a poster with a printed verse for all of us to see. I read the words aloud: “There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.”

“One of these days is YESTERDAY, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed or erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.”

“The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise, and its poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.”

“This leaves only one day, TODAY. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities - Yesterday and Tomorrow - that we break down.”

“It is not the experience of Today that drives us mad, it is remorse and bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore… Live this one full TODAY.”

Malcolm Forbes believed the important thing is “never say die until you’re dead,” and he lived that example to the hilt. It is, as we realize when we suddenly attend our fortieth high school reunion, a short journey.

But it is difficult to be depressed and active at the same time. So get active! Live TODAY.

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This story is over 2,000 years old. It is one of Aesop’s Fables. It talks about the importance of parents setting and enforcing rules to educate their child.

A young man had been caught in a daring act of theft and had been condemned to be executed for it. He expressed his desire to see his Mother, and to speak to her before he was led to execution. This final request was granted. When his Mother came to him he said,

“I want to whisper to you,” and when she brought her ear near him, he nearly bit it off.

All the bystanders were horrified, and asked him what he could mean by such brutal and inhuman conduct.

“It is to punish her!” he said. “When I was young I began with stealing little things, and brought them home to Mother. Instead of rebuking and punishing me, she laughed and said ‘It will not be noticed.’ It is because of her that I am her today.”

“He is right, woman.” said the crowd.

Moral: Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart there from.

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A popular person is one who is liked by many people. It’s nice to be popular…but the pursuit of popularity can lead to trouble!

Heather says, “I want to be popular no matter what. I’ll do whatever it takes!”

Monica says, “I’d like to be popular, of course…but not at any price. I insist on being myself!”

As parents, the thought expressed by “Heather” is bound to make us uneasy. Monica, of course, expresses a healthier perspective.

When popularity becomes TOO important to your child, problems arise.

• Sometimes children will do things they know they shouldn’t do…because they are afraid of losing popularity. They may “cave in” to peer pressure.

• Other times, children will feel that they aren’t popular with the “right” crowd. They don’t appreciate their current friends.

• Some kids believe that popularity is based on having the “right” clothes, or participating in the “right” activities. They lose their identity by following the crowd.
When these types of popularity are attained, they are shallow and short lasting. They last only until the next “popularity test” comes up.

Teach your child to be a person who does the right thing…no matter what other people think; and that loyalty, integrity, and kindness will lead to genuine popularity!

Teach them to treat all others, regardless of social status, with respect and courtesy.

Remind them not to be tricked into doing things they know are wrong, in order to gain popularity.

Above all, continually teach them about the value and the importance of your relationship to each other within your family. Teach them about your family history, and your family heritage.

A young person who has a strong sense of family pride won’t succumb to the pressure to be TOO popular.

Popularity will come to your child when people recognize her as a person with integrity!

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Often times we place unnecessary stress on ourselves by shouldering burdens that belong to other people.

You have a neighbor whose life is a mess…and is in the habit of unburdening herself to you.

Or, you begin following a story on the news about some family who is having a crisis.

When you find yourself stressed in situations like these, you are assuming false responsibility.

You are feeling bad about something that is really not connected to you.

Am I saying you shouldn’t care? Nope. The fact is, though, that you have people, issues, and situations are ARE your responsibility. Devote yourself FULLY to these areas!

If everybody looked to their own house, to their own responsibilities, everybody would be more effective and less stressed.

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Our society makes it a habit to reward the mediocre. It has changed its thinking from “Only the Strong Survive” to “We don’t want to hurt anyones feelings” and it is killing us. Teaching people to just be average, or to set the bar as low as possible so that everyone can be successful is insane. Does every single thing need to be a competition - of course not! But the pendulum has now swung to the complete opposite so that nothing is competitive and it is making our children lazy!

Today’s article is for you to use on yourself, and then to create that atmosphere for your child.

Enjoy!

By Nelson Tan

Mastery in one’s career and consciousness growth simply requires that we constantly produce results beyond and out of the ordinary. Mastery is a product of consistently going beyond our limits. For most people, it starts with technical excellence in a chosen field and a commitment to that excellence. If you are willing to commit yourself to excellence, to surround yourself with things that represent this and miracles (when we speak of miracles, we speak of events or experiences in the real world which are beyond the ordinary), your life will change.

It is remarkable how much mediocrity we live with, surrounding ourselves with daily reminders that the average is acceptable. Our world suffers from terminal normality. Take a moment to assess all of the things around you that promote you being ‘average’. These are the things that keep you powerless to go beyond a ‘limit’ you arbitrarily set for yourself. The first step to Mastery is the removal of everything in your environment that represents mediocrity, removing those things that are limiting. One way is to surround yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do, e.g. your teachers, coaches, parents etc.

The Master does his work in a secret way that is different from the masses. He does not treat it as a chore or routine. That secret way lies in the art of communicating with your work. Let your work speak to you as much as you work on it.

What makes an outstanding carpenter? He lets the wood speak to him as much as he works on it with his hammer.

What makes an outstanding basketball or soccer player? He lets the net speak to him as much as he looks and aims towards it.

Thus the Master steps up his thoughts and actions by being courageous in knowing he had to do something for a cause, as much as his capabilities are demanded by fellow beings. It is not just an urgent feeling; it is an act that gives a tremendous sense of purpose when Life has found its greatest calling. By virtue of making more critical decisions, he does less yet impacts more, while the underlying passion drives ceaselessly by telling him to stay on the course for an appointment with Destiny.

Another step on the path of Mastery is the removal of resentment towards Masters. Develop compassion for yourself so that you can be in the presence of Masters and grow from the experience. Rather than comparing yourself or resenting people who have Mastery, remain open and receptive, let the experience be like the planting of a seed within you that, with nourishment, will grow into your own individual Master. Putting it another way, the wisdom of a Master is like light coursing through his body, making it whole and full of light. Any hints of resentment and baggage are covered under the gleam of the eye.

You see, we are all ordinary. But a Master, rather than condemning himself for his ‘ordinariness’, will embrace it and use it as a foundation for building the extraordinary. Rather than using it as an excuse for inactivity, he will use it as a vehicle for correcting which is essential in the process of attaining Mastery. You must be able to correct yourself without invalidating or condemning yourself, to accept results and improve on them. Correct, don’t protect. Correction is essential to power and Mastery.

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“When looking for faults, use a mirror, not a telescope.”

This is such a great quote that I had to write about as today’s article.

Parents ask me day after day why their child mis-behaves or has such
a bad attitude, or is so disrespectful. Generally, it only takes a minute
or two to figure out the answers to these questions.

All I have to do is listen and watch the parent speak for a little bit, and
then the gates of enlightenment open. In practically every instance, the
parent is role modeling the behavior that they don’t like seeing. And in
the cases where the parent isn’t role modeling the behavior, they are
allowing it which is almost as bad.

If your child is demonstrating a negative behavior, spend the time to
track down where they learned it. There are usually only a couple of
places that come up - school, day care, friends, or PARENTS!

If you are the culprit - knock it off! Make sure you stop modeling
the negative behavior and start modeling the positive one.

Remember, parents have a lot more influence over their children then
any other person or program. I get parents asking me all of the time
to help “fix” their child and they are surprised when I point this out.
“I am going to work with your child for 1 and 1/2 hours each week to
improve their skills. They are with you the rest of the time. Who has
more influence over their behaviors?”

I may have better tools, but time is the greatest tool you can utilize.

So get to it! Start using that mirror to find those negative habits and
stop using the telescope to assign the blame someplace else.

I encourage everyone to leave a comment on any and all of my articles.
Some of you subscribe to my blog via email, so if you would like to
leave a comment make sure you go to the actual blog and then click
on the comment button.

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